The First Time 01.04.2017
I did it. I found it myself in a strange city and I remain unscathed. On the way to buy was scary. My heart raced and I got all sweaty considering the possibility I'd get murdered by this guy. The boy had scars on his face and mats in his hair and sadness in his eyes. But later, when he got his shot, he brightened. He laughed and talked. He let me choose from three cellophane wrapped grey rocks. "Since you bought them all, really," he said. I chose mine and gripped it in my hand until my knuckles paled. I walked the city with it in my purse, tucked away in a cigarette box. I told myself I'd wait out the sickness and try it on the bus. But two hours later I couldn't wait anymore. I walked to a drug store for razorblades and considered stealing them. But I found a crumpled up $5 in my pocket. My next destination was the Circle Center Mall. I rushed to the bathroom, excitement about to pour out of me in the form of vomit. I laid out all my normal instruments on the baby changing station. Admiring all of my things. My things that made me who I am. I'm a junkie. I sniffed it and laid on the floor in euphoria until I almost missed my bus. I'd been slapped in the face by my first serious girlfirend and her name was heroin.
